South Coast Rock Tour
~ Day 7 ~
Deep sleep…Quiet Stillness…Molly.
Today was a day of rest. It was needed more than I realized.
Stayed up late with Molly and Karen till 2am. Our
conversation covered a variety of topics. Karen is a close friend of Molly. She
is a firefighter in the Austin area who puts out fires in more ways than one.
Her eyes are open to the huge homeless population, the people hooked on heroine
and K2 drug, and the struggles that come from both if these lifestyles. We
talked in depth about the roots that are often underneath the visible surface
struggles. And we talked about hope, so that was the word on the rock I scribed
for Karen.
The 3 of us could have talked much later in the evening,
though both of them had work and things to do the next day. Now I have slept in
some pretty comfy beds in my life, though the one in my guest room surely made
it on the top 10 list. It was large, soft, and warm. I slept deep. Woke up at
10:30am and laid in bed for a while, knowing I didn’t have to get myself ready
to go inside Walmart and use their busy bathroom. Molly was already at work, so
the house was quiet when I walked out into the living room. Flash, the aged
golden retriever, got up from his bed and greeted me with a “here’s my head,
please pet me.” I love this dog and he was my buddy for the day. Ate a
tangerine orange for breakfast and made a nest on the leather couch containing
a blanket, laptop, phone, rocks, Sharpies, journal, Bible, and a coffee energy
drink. This house and my nest was the mission field for the day. I wrote, made
phone calls, scribed rocks, prayed, read, and sometimes would just sit there
doing nothing and relishing the stillness and silence. It was just me, Flash,
and the Holy Spirit this day. God needed to do some open-heart surgery on the
emotions that had accumulated over the past week.
Molly came home around 8pm. She sat down in one of the
living room chairs and stayed my nest. We talked for the next 4 hours, only
stopping to eat some mashed potatoes or me going out for smoke breaks. The
conversation that night was honest, authentic, and unmasked. We had history in
our friendship that has continued to this day. I could write pages upon pages
about Molly. The cliff note version will be shared for two reasons: 1) The
early chapters of my story that include Molly are personal and not for every
ear to hear and 2) It’s 1am and I’m in need of rest after two beautifully busy
days in Austin. Tomorrow’s post won’t be short like this “day of rest” post.
I met Molly through another dear friend, Joeleen (another
person who has been influential and a source of unconditional love in my
story). Joeleen introduced me to rock climbing when I was in my late teens and
Molly also climbed. The 3 of us climbed often and also spent ample time eating,
drinking, and talking at both of their houses. At the time, Molly lived in
Crystal Lake and Joeleen lived at Galt Airport in Greenwood. My drug and
alcohol addiction was already in full swing when I met both of them, and although
it was only in the 3rd inning of the ball game, I was already having
a hard time keeping it hidden how badly I was losing the game. Both of these
lovely ladies were smart, discerning, and tell-it-like-it-is type of people…
not the often naïve, easy to manipulate, turn-your-head-the-other-way people. I
respected this about them, yet it was sometimes frustrating that they saw
through many of my masks and would call me out on my lies. Molly and I crossed
paths often from around age 18 to 22. In those 4 years, my dependence on drugs
and alcohol grew stronger and more reckless. I was drinking beer and Red Bull
with vodka more than water and consuming cocaine more than food. At 22, I was
half-heartedly waitressing at a local restaurant, half-mindedly going to
college at NIU, and whole-bodily living in my truck. Don’t remember when, where
or how, but Molly asked if I wanted to get help and stay at her house to get
back on my feet and start climbing the mountain of recovery. I took her up on
her offer… but mainly to have a roof over my head. She had one condition: I
could stay at her house, but had to stay clean. Was under Molly’s roof for a
period of time I can’t recall, but do recall using every day/night at her
house. Shaking my head as I write this. This was such an open invitation to
change the trajectory of my path, an opportunity to grab hold of an
outstretched hand, a gift. And I squandered it. Yet my time at Molly’s was not
in vain… it held purpose in more ways than I will share. Though I was hiding my
cocaine (and other chemical cocktail) consumption from her, some of the deepest
secrets from my past came out of their dark hiding places and were whispered
into her listening ear. Late night conversations were common while staying with
Molly. She knows things about me that most never will. There is moisture in my
eyes right now. Molly gave me much more than a roof over my head. She gave me love,
compassion, affection, and truth. She extended grace as well as discipline. I
needed both. Molly loved me enough to let me go until I was truly ready to
surrender and start climbing. Today, 17 years later, we are both climbing
side-by-side together again. There is so much Molly has taught me. She is
trustworthy. She is wise. She is safe. She was these things back then and she
is these things today. Molly is a true friend… a treasured gift.
One of Molly’s common sayings to myself, to others, to
herself:
“It’s okay. You are fine.”
Unshakeable Peace and Purpose
Cling to the Rock
Psalm 18:1-2
No comments:
Post a Comment