~ 33th Day ~
Leaving LA...Preparing for "Egypt"...Santa Barbara...Family Reunion.
I oscillated over staying snuggled up on the couch and getting up to greet the day with a bowl of oatmeal. I choose the latter. While folding my blankie and stuffing it into my pillow, I looked over into the dining room and saw Kayla's roommate, Erika, sitting there quietly. Sweetness, this was the perfect time to get to know this sweet lady. We talked as I concocted my staple breakfast and I was glad I wasn't still pushing the mental snooze alarm. Erika came to LA to dance and I respect her courage to leave her home and family to pursue one of her many passions. She is also a personal trainer and her health as well as encouraging it in others is something she loves. I was tickled pink to find out that we both share a love for oatmeal and peanut butter... she had just finished downing her bowl and I was about to devour mine. I scribed her rock in between bits and the verse Isaiah 58:22 was written on it. Erika is thoughtful and a woman of strength... both inside and out.
Andrew had slept over on the living room floor and he and Kayla were now both risen and smiling as they almost always are. It felt good to wake up in an apartment of people from a younger generation who love Jesus and whose lives are fragrances of our Faithful God. I knew this morning was my last hours with this stellar couple, so writing on my laptop was pushed tilll tonight. I didn't do any writing while in the LA area and this was not helping me catch up on being able to post about the actual day I was on (it went from 5 days behind to 7) but my priority was on the people in LA, not the posts.
This was not the news I'd planned to start off my last morning with Kayla and Andrew and though it was an honest fight not to pull out my blankie and curl back up on their couch, I wanted to be a present as possible despite the aching in my heart. Consolation was found in simply knowing that we had been given another day. I am known for saying "Live every gift of another day to the fullest, for we are not guaranteed tomorrow" and today, this would resonate even deeper.
I had wanted to make them a special rock... one that was personal. But time did not permit me to do this, so I reached in my backpack and pulled out a "Peace" rock. Turns out, this was the word they both needed in this season of their journey. Kayla had just accepted a month long job in China to dance and Andrew would be continue working on his musical talent at the School of music (and be taking care of Oli dog while her momma was away). They both needed to keep that peace that passes all understanding that only God can give. Embracing my friends, I wanted to cherish these last moments... for every merging of paths could potentially be the last. Though I certainly hoped our paths would cross again.
My next mission field was highly anticipated. Every where I'd been was awesome and the places yet to come hold excitement as well, but Santa Barbara holds extra specialness. Most of you know many chapters of my past life-story, and that SB was where I lived for 2 years (First 4 months in the rehab, Bethel House, and the remainder of the time I lived in a combination of shelters, psych wards, jail, and largely the streets). I would spend the next week in SB and those day posts will tell of more details of when I lived here before and my time here now. Oh, the days have been packed and I'll forewarn you of the longer length in these posts... as if they weren't long already
Driving from LA to Santa Barbara took almost 3 hours.... and I needed every minute of that to prepare myself for what I was both beyond excited and totally unsure of seeing. I tried to take the Pacific Coast Highway around and up, so to see more of the coastal towns and ocean shoreline, but after getting turned around and missing turns that would keep me on this beautiful route, I opted for good old Highway 101. I'm usually one to stay in the faster, left-hand lane of highways with 2 or more lanes, but this afternoon, I found myself content in the middle. A variety of music was played on the drive, mainly Passion, Josh Garrels, Gungor, and the song "Rescue" by Desperation (which holds much meaning as it was a song I used to play over and over again while on the streets of SB). Since leaving on this Rock Tour, I knew that SB was a tac on the map and as the days and mission fields have come and gone, the reality of my old stompin' ground settled in a little more with each day. Still, I had not fully let my mind grasps this reality and during the drive, it was finally sinking in... I was returning to my "Egypt."
If you read Exodus in the Bible, you will learn about the Isrealites and their leaving Egypt and returning again (There is a lot more to this story and many other great, true stories in this particular book as well). The Isrealites had been slaves in Egypt, Moses (with God's leading and power) had led the escape, and later, God would tell them to go back... so the people would not forget who they were and where they came from. Santa Barbara was one of my darkest times of slavery to drugs, my parents (with God's leading and power) had rescued me and led me to an escape (though I stayed in bondage for another 2 years) and now, God was telling me to go back... for more reasons than to not forget who I used to be.
In these 3 hours of driving, my emotions drove all over the gamut range. I would go from smiling so wide that my mouth would need a rest to feeling overwhelmed with expectation of the unknown to breaking down and letting the little moisture in my eyes flow into a river of tears. As much as I wanted to stifle the emotions (to stay in control of them and for the safety of other drivers on the hwy) it was important to allow myself to feel. This was a time of pre-processing and mentally preparing for my return to Egypt... still, I couldn't fully prepare for all that I would see, remember and feel during the week here.
I pulled off the hwy at the Cabrillo Drive that runs parallel to the ocean. There were so many parks, clusters of trees and bushes, sections of the beach, roads that led to other places, people on the streets whom I recognized and all the emotions that arose from seeing this city I had left 5 years ago. Though I wanted to pull over so many times, I knew that God had the day and time already set up for me to see these places while being still, so I kept driving... slowly, to the vehicles behind me annoyance. I was not in a rush, but there was a place that my heart was wanting to go first and foremost: Pershing Park (aka Prision Park).
Much will be written about this park in near future posts, but to give you some general background, this was one of the many places I used to live at while homeless. It was where I'd go when I needed a break from "The Wall." My street family lived here and they always welcomed me with open arms, hugs, alcohol and a relaxing joint after I had spent 3-7 days by the bridge and streets of the "The Wall" (You'll learn more of this place too). The main family members at Pershing were Gator, Big Momma Kimmy, Shakey, Forrest, Bruiser, Hydro, Sandy, Bruce, Dancing David, Paula, Surfer Mikey and a combination of dozens others who would frequent the park, but didn't live their consistently, but were still there often enough to call it (one of their many) home. I wanted to see who was still living here... and most of all finally hug my friends after so many years.
When I pulled up to the park, no one was there but one person whom I didn't recognize. I parked, walked over to the white pavilion and began a conversation with Chris, who was on the streets but didn't live in Pershing. When I asked him where everyone was at, he shrugged his shoulders. He was rolling a joint and asked if I wanted to get high with him. "No, but thanks for asking, dude." Though he wasn't of help in telling me where anyone was, he did inform me of some sad news: Shakey had died a couple years ago. He didn't say how, but it's a good guess his body couldn't take the steady stream of vodka he was always drinking. I wanted to cry right then and there, but knew there would be time to let the stream of tears come. Sadness weighed on my heart as I walked back to Tumbler... but it was lightened when I recognized a man walking on the sidewalk towards my truck. This was my brother, Bruce, and when he realized who I was, we both embraced each other with a long, tight hug. He couldn't believe I was back... but I wasn't staying and wasn't the same. Still, it was good to be back in the company of this soft-spoken, so kind brother of mine. And he knew where the family was.
We drove to Ledbedder Beach, which would have been a short walk, but Bruce looked tired and in need resting his legs. He had just walked from the jailhouse where he spent last night for fighting with Surfer Mikey. Some things don't change. When we pulled in the parking lot of Ledbedder, I saw the cluster of people on the picnic bench, standing around, and some laying down... deep sight at the sight of my forever family. I walked up to them with Bruce and when some of them saw him walking with me, they looked curious and confused. But Bruiser knew who I was and said, "Oh my gosh, I don't believe my eyes." And then Gator looked up from under his classic hat, and his eyes lite up. "Katie!!! Git ore' here girl so I can look at yo face." He was in his wheelchair and I bent down and hugged him till he took my shoulders and held me in front of his face. He was pretty drunk, but his eyes were focused on mine. His adopted daughter had come back. It was an emotional time. We talked about Shakey dying, Big Momma moving north (who I would call and talk to later), and what had changed and what was still the same. We had so much to catch up on, but Gator can talk for hours straight if you let him, and today was not the time to sit with him, but stay standing.
This reunion only last 20 minutes. I greeted everyone and gave out 2-3 hugs per person. Some I knew, some this was our first time meeting. Bruiser and I talked for a few minutes and he had moisture in his eyes for most of it... both from the drinking and from feelings of being with his sister. It was hard to say "see you later" so soon after arriving, but I strongly felt God leading me to be in and out this first time around my old family. I would go see them at Pershing Park at least once if not twice everyday that I was in SB. Some things never change... but many things had changed (both good and bad).
I drove to my friend Karen's apartment, where I'd be staying for many of the nights while here. It was a beautiful re-merging of our paths. Much will be shared about this wonderful lady in upcoming days. She took me out to a lobster and steak dinner, which was more than I wanted, but the conversation was the real feast. Before we arrived at the restaurant, I had a nice chat with 2 young guys who were on the streets and making roses out of palm leaves. Chance was the one who I mainly talked to and this interaction was not just for him, but also for Karen to see a glimpse of what the Rock ministry was about. My purpose her in SB was not just for me... it was for the people who were still here, both old and new. Karen was a mission field in and of itself and much prayer went into being a vessel of God's love and light for my sweet friend. It was good to be back in her company and I was grateful for a her hospitality of home and heart.There are places that we have left, we don't want to ever go back.
But returning to those places, when ready, is a beautiful journey.
Closure, facing, feeling, forgiveness, realization, restoration.
So much happens in the space in between the 2 chapters.
The return to our "Egypts" must be led by the Rescuer.
He will be you Staff, Shield and Solid Rock to cling to.
You don't have to stay when you re-visit the place.
But it is important to stay present in the moment.
No longer, does the past chapter have power.
You are not the same person you were.
Go back not only for your own heart.
But for those who are still there.
Your freedom may help them.
Hug them, truly love them.
Untouchables no more.
~Unshakable Peace, Gratitude, Purpose~
cling to the Rock Psalm 18:1-2
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