South Coast Rock Tour
~ Day 39 ~
Bam…Library…Poncho Shop…John.
Today was full of purpose-full placement. Such is it with
most days for all of us. When we take a step back at the end of the day and view
it from a panoramic view, we can see how there were jewels scattered along our
path… though we often miss them or don’t know that we came upon one, for we are
so busy looking ahead at the next thing on our list. It takes deliberate
intentionality to plan for the next step on the path while being immersed in
the present place of the path we are on right now. Balance… It’s hard… but
possible. May we be aware of the placement of jewels that are scattered
throughout each gift of another day.
Last night, I had gone to an AA meeting late in the evening.
I love these rooms where people share nuggets of their stories. Several rocks
were handed out to people on my left and right after they shared things that
they were experiencing. More were handed out after the meeting. I slept in a
Walmart hotel and woke up early. Stopped at a store where a young girl was
working and we had a nice little chat after asking her “what was a dream she
had that she had yet to pursue.” Her name was Robin. She has always wanted to
buy a small trailer so that she and her husband could travel the country. I
encouraged her to go for it, do it, and not to hesitate on making this dream
come true. Her blue eyes lit up… they spoke of pent up excitement and unleashed
adventure. Robin was given a rock that said, “Live each day the fullest you
can; Not guaranteeing there will be a tomorrow; not dwelling endlessly on
yesterday.”
A Jacksonville library was only a few blocks away and I went
there to write for the next two hours. Overheard some pretty cool conversations
while there. People try to be quiet in libraries, but some people don’t have
the knack for whispering. After writing about and processing the day being
wrote about, Tumbler and I set off for the beach. We parked where we had found
Grits the cat, but he might have been on house arrest from yesterday’s
wandering to the beach with me. My backpack and I hit the streets. God had
three jewels waiting to be found a half a mile down the path. There was a
pop-up dog show at a park that sat next to the beach. Tents and stands held
various dog accessories and services. A large agility course was testing and
proving the skills of the hundreds of dogs that came out with their humans.
Thought about drawing some heart-shaped paws prints on small rocks, but then I
saw the reason the Spirit had led me to today’s canine collection. On the outskirts of the park sat three men
who were sitting on a concrete wall watching the dog display. They were visibly
homeless, and people pulled back at the leashes of their dogs that wanted to
pull their masters closer to the three odoriferous guys. When I neared them, I
too, could smell the pungent odor. But surely, I had my own growing stank going
on, being that it had been four days since a full emersion shower. The “street
stank” is common and I’m used to it. It doesn’t bother me. But if one is not
used to the distinct blend of marinated scents, it will attract dogs, but repel
humans.
I sat down next to the three men. Their names were Bam,
Mike, and Jonathan. Bam and Mike had been in the Jacksonville area for a while,
and Jonathan had just rolled in a few days ago. We talked for bit about where
we had traveled from and the ins and outs of this coastal city. We all agreed
that it was a cool place. They all slept outside at various places behind
buildings as well as the sand dunes along the beach. Jonathan was trying to get
into a program come Monday. Bam and Mike did not want to change their
lifestyle. We watched the dogs come in and out of the park in front of us. The
people’s faces were interesting to watch as they saw us sitting with soiled
clothes. Bam waved at some that stared to long. I drew on rocks while we
enjoyed the sunny day with the sound of the ocean waves crashing 200ft away. We
had no schedule, no place to be, and no one who was waiting for us at a home. But
we temporarily merged together in the moment, sharing life experiences as a
temporary family, and making the concrete wall our temporary home. Each of them
were given rocks.
When I got up to move on, Bam got up to walk with me. I
didn’t have a good feeling about being alone with him. I was not afraid, but
there was an uneasy feeling of cautiousness. He wanted to take me to his
hangout spot a mile away to show me his “studio apartment” that had palm trees
for walls. I thanked him for the invitation, but declined. His persistent
persuasion continued as we walked, and finally I had to tell him that we should
part ways and look for each other later. All of this was done with a gentle
voice so as not to trigger any aggression in Bam. He was unstable in his mind
and I could sense the dark spirits growling and snarling in and around him. I
whispered the name of Jesus most of the short walk that was lasting too long.
Before parting ways, I gave Bam a hug. His body was rigid as I wrapped my arms
around his dirty jumpsuit. “You are loved, Bam” was whispered in his ear. “I’m
not loveable, Daisy.” I wondered how long Bam had believed this lie that had
been whispered to him by the demons. We all need to be reminded that we are
loved. Even, and maybe especially, those who believe the lie that they are
unlovable.
The main street along the beach has restaurants, bars, and
shops lining the blocks. There was a clothing rack with colored ponchos outside
a surf shop. One can never have too many ponchos. I went inside and a woman
greeted me. Her name was Pauline. “I like your poncho. Those colors are perfect
for you. You looking to get a new one?” I nodded and introduced myself. Pauline
lived most of her life in San Diego, California, and had moved to St. Augustine
seven years ago. She commuted to Jacksonville to work at this store that her
friends owned. We talked while I perused the poncho selection. After picking a
brightly colored one out, I pulled out a “Love” rocks and gave it to Pauline.
“Ooooh, I love this. I collect rocks from all over and will put this one in a
special place.” Pauline had golden skin and a nose that wrinkled when she
smiled. We transitioned our conversation to the register counter and it was
there that I met Logan, a local skateboarder who also worked at the surf shop.
He got a “Choose Gratitude” rock and said that it was fitting for he was going
through some things that he could apply the simply, yet profoundly impactual,
message to. I paid for the poncho and left the store after big hugs were
exchanged.
Still behind on keeping up with the “day posts”, I went back
to the library and wrote for an hour and a half until the librarian came on the
intercom and announced in a soft, monotone voice, “The library will be closing
in 15 minutes.” It was almost 6pm and I remembered that there was an 6:30pm AA
meeting at the place I had went to last night. Some small rocks were made with
the Serenity Prayer and specific sayings that are commonly used in the rooms.
They all were handed out to individuals during and after the meeting. When I
hopped into Tumbler, I heard a tapping on my passenger window. I couldn’t see
the dark face in the shade of the evening. Rolling down the window, a smiling
face peeked inside. “John!!! Hey buddy!” --- “I saw you in the meeting, and
wanted to catch you before you took off. Hey, I got the job. They even gave me
a t-shirt!” --- “That’s Awesome! When do start?” --- “Tomorrow at 12:30am. I’m
excited, but nervous.” John and I talked under the stars as we leaned against
Tumbler. He shared more about his feelings of starting a job and having a
routine with responsibilities.” I listened more than spoke. John needed the
things that were percolating through his heart to be heard. John said he wanted
to go to the 9am service at Ocean City Church tomorrow. Told him I would pick
him up here at the AA building at 8:45am and then could take him to his first
day of work after church and lunch together. I was so proud of John. He made a
big impression on my heart. We hugged several times after more deeper things
were shared. I wished our last hug had been longer, for it would be the last
time I would see John.
Tumbler and I went to the Walmart hotel that night, and
while the truck’s engine was turned off, my heart and mind didn’t idle down. No
sleep came this Saturday night. I laid in the backseat, I crawled to the front
seat, went back in the backseat, went out to sit on the cement curb, and went
back in the truck. My mind raced with many things. My heart beat for many
people. My alarm went off at 7:30am and I pushed the off button not having
slept a wink. The redness and heaviness of my eyes was visible, but the
heaviness of my heart was more palpable. Some reasons for the heaviness were
known, and other reasons would later be revealed. Sunday would be full of
brokenness… both in others and in myself. But there is beauty in the
brokenness. Therein, hope shines through the cracks.
Hope is a hem.
Unshakable Peace and Purpose
Cling to the Rock
Psalm 18:1-2
No comments:
Post a Comment